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Inheriting the family Business - Is it a Gift or a Burden? |
Being the only son, Rory had grown up with the knowledge that the family farm would one day be his.
However, as the sun streamed through the windows in my office, Rory told me that he had never wanted to be a farmer.
Afraid of gravely disappointing his parents, Rory hadn’t had the courage to own up to his dislike of farming – and had even allowed his parents to send him to agricultural college rather than face a distressing confrontation.
Now five years on, Rory’s previous reticence had resulted in his being back on the family farm – and worse, suffering from severe depression. Rory was beginning to realise that his problem was emotional – and that keeping his parents happy hadn’t been enough to keep Rory happy! However, he was at a loss to know how to remedy the situation.
Rory’s predicament was one faced by many children of family-owned businesses. Like Rory, often those who stand to inherit the family jewels are only too aware of the blood, sweat and tears invested in the enterprise by previous generations.
Standing up to family pressure to inherit the business can be traumatic – but failure to do so can have tragic consequences too.
Rory confessed that his doctor had prescribed anti-depressants – and he admitted that on occasions he had even felt suicidal. Chatting it through with me, Rory soon began to see that he was going to have to be honest with both himself and his parents.
We began to look at other perspectives on the situation. For example, maybe if Rory told his parents that he didn’t wish to continue with the farm, they could sell up and use the money to fund their retirement.
Indeed, perhaps his parents had only been working their fingers to the bone because of their belief that Rory really wanted the farm. If they understood the truth, Rory’s parents may well have been relieved to be able to give up their 24/7 farming lifestyle.
Rory looked startled at this point of view – and he realised that there was no time to waste. However, while he knew that he needed to have “the” conversation, he was still terrified at the prospect of initiating it.
Before going through a mental rehearsal of the forthcoming discussion, I suggested that he should forgive his parents for putting him under such pressure in the first place. As he underwent this psychodynamic exercise,
Rory’s eyes started to fill with tears as the deeply buried tension began to release. By the end of the session Rory felt calmer than he had for years – and yet strong enough to conduct the conversation which should have taken place many years previously.
Olivia Stefanino is a leadership development consultant and excecutive coach, who works with blue chip organisations, SMEs and individuals. To find out more – and to download your free e-booklet “128 ways to harness your personal power”, visit www.beyourownguru.com
© Olivia Stefanino 2004
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